A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sleep were just as important as watching food intake, one woman responded with surprise that sleep was a factor. Another replied: “Of course sleep is a factor. The only time Im not eating is when Im sleeping!”
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”The father looks at his son in surprise and says, “Son, all household appliances come in white.”
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading “Wife Wanted.” – The next day he received a hundred letters saying “You can have mine.”
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only.” The man thought about his first wish and decided, “I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, ” I wish I was irresistible to women.” POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, Ill do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you dont know Im not going to tell you.”
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. “Now what should I do?” His mother has an idea. “Why dont you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?” He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. ” I was humiliated,” he groaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.” ” Whats wrong with that?” asked his mother. ” We hadnt started eating yet.”
A young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was working in her husbands trucking line office. She answered a phone call from a trucker asking for directions to the terminal. After a short conversation, he said he could hardly wait to meet her. “I just know you are small, blond with blue eyes,” he said. “No,” young woman replied, “Im tall, brunette and have brown eyes.” “Close enough!” said the trucker.
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”
At a family gathering, husband began teasing his wife about how she always get her way. “Honey,” she said to her husband, “when I get my way, thats a compromise.” “What is it when I get my way?” he was quick to ask. She replied, “Thats a miracle!”
At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.”Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?”Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didnt know there would be women on the jury. Since I cant even fool my wife, Ill never be able to fool the four women jurors.”