A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.”Not very long,” answered the Mexican.”But then, why didnt you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the tourist.The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.The tourist asked, “So what do you do with the rest of your time?”"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife… In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senioras, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”The tourist said, “I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue , you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.”"How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.”Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the tourist.”And after that?” asked the Mexican.”Afterwards? Thats when it gets really interesting,” answered the tourist, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!”"Millions? Really?” asked the Mexican. “And after that?”The tourist replied, “After that youll be able to retire, live in a tiny village n ear the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.”No more,” the man said. “Next time, Im riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!”
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love.”How awful !” exclaimed the wife.”Si, but what a great way to spend eternity.” added the husband.
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.”Not very long,” answered the Mexican.”But then, why didnt you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the tourist.The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.The tourist asked, “So what do you do with the rest of your time?”"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife… In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senioras, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”The tourist said, “I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue , you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise.”"How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.”Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the tourist.”And after that?” asked the Mexican.”Afterwards? Thats when it gets really interesting,” answered the tourist, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!”"Millions? Really?” asked the Mexican. “And after that?”The tourist replied, “After that youll be able to retire, live in a tiny village n ear the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!”
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy luggage?” she sighed.”No more,” the man said. “Next time, Im riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!”
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”
A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotels clerk about the time of meals.”Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8,” explained the clerk.”Look here,” inquired the farmer in surprise, “when am I going to get time to see the city?”
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. Its too hot. Its too cold. The accommodations are awful.The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. “Good luck will be followin ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,”the guide said. “Unfortunately, its being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.”"We cant be here tomorrow,” the nasty woman shouted. “We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we cant kiss the stupid stone.”"Well now,” the guide said, “it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, youll have the same good fortune.”"And I suppose youve kissed the stone,” the woman scoffed.”No, maam,” the frustrated guide said, “but Ive sat on it.”
A German tourist walks into a McDonalds in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonalds actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They dont serve BEER here, you MORON!” The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.”And whats so funny?!?” the New Yorker demands.”Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food.”
A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love.”How awful !” exclaimed the wife.”Si, but what a great way to spend eternity.” added the husband.
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. “I cant stand this,” said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. “Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me whats going on here with this digging?” “Well, we work for the county government, ” one of the men said. “But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. Youre not accomplishing anything. Are nt you wasting the countys money?” “You dont understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally theres three of us–me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.” “Yea,” piped up Mike. “Now just because Rodneys sick, that dont mean we cant work, does it?”
A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, “Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeares birthplace?” “Ay, straight on, sir,” said the rustic, “but no need to hurry. Hes dead.”
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Ourengines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. This island appears to be uncharted; I amunable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never berescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if notfor the rest of our lives. A few minutes later the plane lands safely onthe island, whereupon Morris turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, didwe pay our pledge to the Yeshiva yet?” No Morris!” she responded.Morris smiles, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our UJA pledge?” “Oy no, I forgot to send the check!!” Now Morris laughs. “One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our TempleBuilding Fund check this month?” “Oy Morris I forgot that one too!” Now Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris,”So what are you smiling and laughing about?Morris responds, “Theyll find us.”