A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.”What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?” asked the Rabbi.”Well, Im next in line for the Monsignors job.” replied the Priest.”Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi.”Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop.” said the Priest.”Yes, and then?” asked the Rabbi.”If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, its possible for me to become a full Bishop.” said the Priest.”O.K., then what?” asked the Rabbi.The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, “With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal.”"And then?” asked the Rabbi.The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, “With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if Im in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope.”"Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi.”Good grief!” shouted the Priest. “What do you expect me to become, GOD?”"Well,” said the Rabbi, “One of our boys made it!”
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what Gods name was. Oh thats easy, the man replied, His name is Andy. What make you think his name is Andy? the angel asked incredulously. Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”They boys mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?”Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger i n the boys face and bellowed, “Where is God!?”The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?” The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: “We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!”
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.”What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?” asked the Rabbi.”Well, Im next in line for the Monsignors job.” replied the Priest.”Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi.”Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop.” said the Priest.”Yes, and then?” asked the Rabbi.”If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, its possible for me to become a full Bishop.” said the Priest.”O.K., then what?” asked the Rabbi.The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, “With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal.”"And then?” asked the Rabbi.The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, “With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if Im in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope.”"Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi.”Good grief!” shouted the Priest. “What do you expect me to become, GOD?”"Well,” said the Rabbi, “One of our boys made it!”
A big, burly man visited the pastors home and asked to see the ministers wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.”Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”"How terrible!” exclaimed the preachers wife. “May I ask who you are?”The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “Im the landlord,” he sobbed.
A big, burly man visited the pastors home and asked to see the ministers wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.”Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”"How terrible!” exclaimed the preachers wife. “May I ask who you are?”The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “Im the landlord,” he sobbed.
A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. “Oh Lord,” prayed the missionary, “Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion.” And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: “Oh Lord,” he prayed, “I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive.”
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.”What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?” asked the Rabbi.”Well, Im next in line for the Monsignors job.” replied the Priest.”Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi.”Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop.” said the Priest.”Yes, and then?” asked the Rabbi.”If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, its possible for me to become a full Bishop.” said the Priest.”O.K., then what?” asked the Rabbi.The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, “With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal.”"And then?” asked the Rabbi.The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, “With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if Im in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope.”"Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi.”Good grief!” shouted the Priest. “What do you expect me to become, GOD?”"Well,” said the Rabbi, “One of our boys made it!”
A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what Gods name was. Oh thats easy, the man replied, His name is Andy. What make you think his name is Andy? the angel asked incredulously. Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?”They boys mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.The clergyman repeated the question. “Where is God?”Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger i n the boys face and bellowed, “Where is God!?”The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?” The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: “We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!”
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying “Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick told the farmer “No, we cant have services for an animal in the church, but Ill tell you what, theres a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe theyll do something for the animal.” Muldoon said “Ill go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?” Father Patrick replied “Why didnt you tell me the dog was Catholic.”
A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked Say Father, what causes arthritis? The priest replies My son, its caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man Well Ill be darned the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. Im sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? I dont have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be muchin the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, “Tell me,Becky, have you heard by chance whats going on in Rome?”"No,” said Mrs Finkelstein. “I havent. Whats going on in Rome?”"A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things,decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion ofJesus.”Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. “Indeed? And who is responsible, then?”"Im not sure,” said Mrs. Moskowitz. “I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans.”
A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The mans tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked Say Father, what causes arthritis? The priest replies My son, its caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man Well Ill be darned the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. Im sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis? I dont have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” My friend replied, “Im already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.” Pastor questioned, “How come I dont see you except at Christmas and Easter?” He whispered back, “Im in the secret service.