A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why?} Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!”) The masked gunman held a gun to the pilots head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill your brains all over the place.” The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilots head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Listen to me. The pilots got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigators head and repeated, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “I wouldnt do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldnt find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passengers head and demanded, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. “Hes George W Bush!” they laughed. “He doesnt have any brains!”
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it.” “But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it.” “This is my final position, and I will not compromise!”
A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why?} Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!”) The masked gunman held a gun to the pilots head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill your brains all over the place.” The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilots head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Listen to me. The pilots got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigators head and repeated, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “I wouldnt do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldnt find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passengers head and demanded, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. “Hes George W Bush!” they laughed. “He doesnt have any brains!”
A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why?} Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!”) The masked gunman held a gun to the pilots head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill your brains all over the place.” The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilots head and said, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “Listen to me. The pilots got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigators head and repeated, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, “I wouldnt do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldnt find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and youll die along with the rest of us.” The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passengers head and demanded, “Take this plane to Iraq or Im gonna spill HIS brains all over the place.” No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. “Hes George W Bush!” they laughed.
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it.” “But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it.” “This is my final position, and I will not compromise!”
A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because Im not a liberal Democrat.” “Then,” asks the teacher, “What are you?” “Why Im a proud conservative Republican,” boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican. “Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too.” The teacher, now angry, loudly says, “Thats no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?” The teacher paused and smiled. “Then,” Lucy said, “Id be a liberal Democrat.”
A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, “We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work.” An Englishman said, “We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks.” The Irishman says, “Thats nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another mans body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks.” The American says, “Well hell, thats nothin. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin for work!”
A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with OnceUpon A Time?”And he replied, “No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with If Elected I promise…”
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked. “Try to fix it if its big; ignore it if its insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?” lawyer asked. “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say the devil is the father of liars, but instead I said the devil is the father of lawyers, so I let it go,” minister replied.
A political man to a woman, “You look beautiful today!!!!”The woman replied, “Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.”"Sure you could!!” said the political man, “if you could lie as well as I do!”
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:”Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?”Pres says: “You think were stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!”
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: “Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.”"That notion is ridiculous!” mocked George Jr. “It doesnt matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!”
A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist:”Id like to become the next President of the United States.”The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?”Redneck: “Why, is it required?”
A small boy was asked by his teacher, “What is the size of the Democratic Party?” “About 5 feet 2 inches,” he replied promptly. “NO!” exploded the teacher.. “I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?” “Well,” replied the boy, “my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. “Ive had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!”