A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”
“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.”
“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m too drunk to do that.”
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.The officer asked, “Can you describe the person who did this to you?”The Irishman replied, “Thats what I was doing when he hit me.”
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didnt stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said Stop or slow down, whats the difference?.The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?” Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.” Cop: “Oh sister, thats not the speed limit, thats the name of the highway youre on! Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. Ill be more careful. At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. Cop: Excuse me, Sister, whats wrong with your friends back there? Theyre shaking something terrible. Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin?”The driver said, “You buyin?”
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.The doctor said, “Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policemans brain as well. It costs $50,000.”The client asked, “What? Hows that possible?”The doctor replied, “You see, its totally unused.”
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. Whats more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.Said the policeman, “Ill bet that youre also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.”The giant nodded.”If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all Ive got is a set of handcuffs. Why dont you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I cant get out of these,” the giant growled.”Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I cant do it.”"In that case,” said the deputy, “youre under arrest.”
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.The officer asked, “Can you describe the person who did this to you?”The Irishman replied, “Thats what I was doing when he hit me.”
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didnt stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said Stop or slow down, whats the difference?.The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?” Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.” Cop: “Oh sister, thats not the speed limit, thats the name of the highway youre on! Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. Ill be more careful. At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. Cop: Excuse me, Sister, whats wrong with your friends back there? Theyre shaking something terrible. Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldnt find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. Itll take you right there.” She thanked the officer and he drives off.Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?”The blonde replied, “Dont worry, officer, it wont be long now. The 45th bus just went by!”
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, “meow”, the cop says, “oh, its only a cat”He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, “woof, woof”. The cop says, “its only a dog”.He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, “potato”
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding.The officer asked, “Can you describe the person who did this to you?”The Irishman replied, “Thats what I was doing when he hit me.”
A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didnt stop, he just slowed down a little.The gentleman said Stop or slow down, whats the difference?.The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin?”The driver said, “You buyin?”