A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it werent for my money, the house wouldnt be here!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it werent for your money I wouldnt be here.”
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. “Oh yes, Ive done that,” said the old gentleman. “Ive only got to make a will. And do you know what Im going to do with all my money? Im going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it werent for my money, the house wouldnt be here!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it werent for your money I wouldnt be here.”
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. “Oh yes, Ive done that,” said the old gentleman. “Ive only got to make a will. And do you know what Im going to do with all my money? Im going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.”Ohhh, its my girlfriend.”"Whats the problem?”"When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:Dear Lord,Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
A little monster was learning to play the violin, Im good, arent I? he asked his big brother.You should be on the radio, said his brother.You think Im that good?No, I think youre terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, weve finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.”
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what theyd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. Alec ! yelled the teacher, youve done nothing. Why?Because if I had a million dollars, thats exactly what I would do !
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.One of the chamber members stood up and said,”I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.”