A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boys nervousness builds.He remembers his fathers advice, and chooses the first topic.He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his fathers suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his fathers advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a br other, would he like spinach?”
A bum asks a man for $2.The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”The bum said, “No.”The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”The bum said, “No.”Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife cansee what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?”
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to thedoctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me thefirst time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctorreplied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and saysomething to her. If she doesnt reply move about 5 feet close and say itagain. Keep doing this so that well get an idea about the severity of herdeafness”.Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. Hestarts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is choppingsome vegetables and says, “Honey, whats for dinner?” He hears no response.He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feetcloser. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, aboutan inch away, and asks again, “Honey, whats for dinner?”She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”
A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper,”The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony”
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well,” explained the husband, “it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.” “We hadnt gone too far when my wifes mule stumbled. My wife quietly said Thats once. We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: Thats twice. We hadnt gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead.” “I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, Thats once.”
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunnedfor a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product Im referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. “When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. “You know what?” “What, dear?” his wife asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
A bum asks a man for $2.The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”The bum said, “No.”The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”The bum said, “No.”Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife cansee what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?”
Before marriage…..
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage….
Simply read from bottom to top.
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boys nervousness builds.He remembers his fathers advice, and chooses the first topic.He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his fathers suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his fathers advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a br other, would he like spinach?”
A bum asks a man for $2.The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”The bum said, “No.”The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”The bum said, “No.”Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife cansee what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?”
A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to thedoctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me thefirst time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctorreplied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and saysomething to her. If she doesnt reply move about 5 feet close and say itagain. Keep doing this so that well get an idea about the severity of herdeafness”.Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. Hestarts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is choppingsome vegetables and says, “Honey, whats for dinner?” He hears no response.He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feetcloser. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, aboutan inch away, and asks again, “Honey, whats for dinner?”She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”
A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper,”The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony”
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. “Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300.” “Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. “I earned it hiking.” “Come on,” the father said. “Tell me the truth.” “That is the truth,” the boy replied. “Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. Hed give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!”