Funny Jokes | Short Funny Jokes | Really Funny Joke » Funny Lawer Jokes

A Lawyer Opened the Door

admin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 05:41:25 +0000

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined.

“You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!”

“Oh my gaaad….”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex?

A Convicted Con Man

admin — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 07:14:01 +0000

A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, “I should have suspected he wasnt a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite.”

A Doctor Was Vacationing

admin — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 07:57:55 +0000

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.”Darling, it was just a shark,” said his wife when he came to. “Youve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”

At the Trial

admin — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 08:08:01 +0000

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question.

“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”

“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”

A Convicted Con Man

admin — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 08:06:09 +0000

A Doctor Was Vacationing

admin — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:29:21 +0000

A Defendant Was On Trial

admin — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:36:05 +0000

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defenses closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!” He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.” With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty. “But how?” the lawyer asked. “You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door.” “Oh, yes,” the jury foreman replied. “We all looked – but your client didnt!”

A Lawyer Were Sitting On a Train

admin — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:32:36 +0000

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, “Dont worry – we have plenty of those where I come from.” The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, “Dont worry – we have plenty of those where I come from.” Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying…

A Guy Walks Into a Post Office

admin — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:51:58 +0000

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing atthe counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with heartsall over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all overthem.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man andasks him what he is doing. The man says “Im sending out 1,000 Valentine cardssigned, Guess who?”"But why?” asks the man.”Im a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

A Judge In a Small City

admin — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 07:28:27 +0000

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, “Well have the y got a verdict yet?” The bailiff shook his head and said, “Verdict? Hell, theyre still doing nominating speeches for the foremans position!”