A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, “Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”The crowd made way for him.Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.” The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a hailstorm.”This Indian is incredible,” said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. “I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like?”The Indian shrugged his shoulders. “Dont know,” he said. “Radio is broken.”
A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He submitted the following report to his editor. “Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts.”The Editor scolded the new reporter, “This is a family paper. We dont use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!”The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. “Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: “You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?”The old man replies, “I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth.”The journalist is amazed. “How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?” she asks.The old man looks at her sadly. “Like Im talking to a wall.”
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!”Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, “Theres nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.”The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.”It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Lets go! Lets go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.”Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.”"Why?” asked the pilot.”Because Im going to take pictures! Im a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation.After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean youre not the instructor?”
A shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively. “Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I wont sleep with you tonight!”Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “Im sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, Im a journalist and Ive got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations.”To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?”
A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, “I want to see the eye-ear doctor.”"There is no such doctor” she tells him. “Perhaps you would like to see someone else?”"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor,” he says.”But there is no such doctor,” she replies. “We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor.”No help. He repeats, “I want to see the eye-ear doctor.”They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: “Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?”"Because,” he replies, “I keep hearing one thing and seeing another.”
A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country. When asked why he transferred he replied, “The weather didnt agree with me.”
A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to eighteen children. The reporter didnt quite hear the message and said, “Would you repeat that?” “Not if I can help it,” replied the woman.
An honest weatherman says, “Todays forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that Im wrong.”