A Man Seeking To Lose Some Weight
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. “Doctor, youve got to help me!” he wailed. “What seems to be the trouble?” asked the doctor. “I keep having the same dream, night after night. Theres this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I cant get it open.” “What does the sign say?” asked the Doctor. “Pull,” said the patient.
A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. “This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well.”
A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who asked, “How is she?” The nurse replied, “Oh, shes quite dopey.” One of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she healthwise?”
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.”Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.”You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.”What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, she cried.The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, “You have a broken finger.”Dentist: $100.00.Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on deaths door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. “But doctor, you dont understand,” they said, “Dad hasnt walked in over a year!”
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?”
Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.”
Patient: “OH NO! Thats awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???”
Doctor: “You also have Alzheimers. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.”
At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30).
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, youre always washing your hands.”She then says, “I bet youre an anesthesiologist.”Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”Female doctor: “I didnt feel a thing.”