When You Call a Dog
When you call a dog, they usually come to you. When you call a cat; they take a message.
When you call a dog, they usually come to you. When you call a cat; they take a message.
Teacher: Name four members of the cat family Pupil: Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ? She’s got that down in the mouth look !
What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ? An animal that puts you out a night !
What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese ? He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath !
There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left ? None. They were all copy cats !
Q: Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? – A: Because she wanted to mail a litter.
Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning? Because they’re let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !
A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. “Excuse me”, he said to the cat in charge, “Can you get milk stains out?” “Sure,” replied the cat. “We’ll have that stain licked in a minute!”
“Doctor,” said the patient, “I need help! I can’t stop acting like a cat!” “How long have you had this problem?” the doctor asked. “Lest’s see,” said the patient, “Mom had the litter in ’41
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”
For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: – Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. – No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. – You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. – Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. – No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. – Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. – Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry o n as if they did. – Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom. – Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture. – Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… I must be a God
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man “I cant believe what Im seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!” The man replied “Nah lady this cats not clever at all Im beating it 6 games to 1″