A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the ladys 78-yearold daughter (who wasnt blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didnt make it.”Didnt make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!” the former blonde asked.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on “Science & Nature.” Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,”Im sorry. Your ticket isnt for first class. Could you please move to your seat.” The blonde replied,”Im blonde, Im beautiful, and Im going to New York.” The attendant said,”Thats fine miss, but youll have to go to your seat.” The blonde responded again, “Im blonde, Im beautiful, and Im going to New York.”This conversation continued, always with the blondes same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blondes ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, “I just told her that this part of the plane wasnt going to New York.”
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.Yes.
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, “You dumb blonde bimbo! Its blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim Id come out there and give you whats coming to you!”
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, “Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!” Her friend said, “O.K. then, whats the capital of France?” The blonde replied, “Oh, thats so easy! F.”
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.The blonde turns around and shouts, “Cant you see Im winning!”
A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…”
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. “Here we go again.”
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!”. She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “Id like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, ” They didnt last year.”
A blonde tried to blow up her husbands car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, shes overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.Her boyfriend screams, “Honey, dont do it…”The blonde yells back, “Shut up! Youre next!”
A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it Curl Up and Dye.
A blonde once shot an arrow into the air… but missed!
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Maam, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”"Why, officer?” asks the blonde.”Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.”"Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I left my baby on the bus!”