A Blondes House is on Fire
A blondes house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, “Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!” Someone else yells, “Call 911!”The blonde yells back, “Whats the number?”
A blondes house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, “Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!” Someone else yells, “Call 911!”The blonde yells back, “Whats the number?”
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should, she was standing on it.”A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “Youre finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.”And by the way,” the blonde a dded, “its not a Porch, its a Ferrari.”
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, “How is much is this TV?” The salesman said, “Sorry, we dont sell to blondes.” The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry, we dont sell to blondes.” The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry we dont sell to blondes.” She replied, ” I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?” “Because that is not a TV, its a microwave.”
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldnt find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. Itll take you right there.” She thanked the officer and he drives off.Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?”The blonde replied, “Dont worry, officer, it wont be long now. The 45th bus just went by!”
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed, “Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway
A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned.Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, ” Officer, Im so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, then says, “Maam, thats your air freshener.”
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldnt find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?”The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. Itll take you right there.” She thanked the officer and he drives off.Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?”The blonde replied, “Dont worry, officer, it wont be long now. The 45th bus just went by!”
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, ” Officer, Im so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, then says, “Maam, thats your air freshener.”
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, What for? Are you going to set it on fire!
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the ladys 78-yearold daughter (who wasnt blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didnt make it.”Didnt make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!” the former blonde asked.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on “Science & Nature.” Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,”Im sorry. Your ticket isnt for first class. Could you please move to your seat.” The blonde replied,”Im blonde, Im beautiful, and Im going to New York.” The attendant said,”Thats fine miss, but youll have to go to your seat.” The blonde responded again, “Im blonde, Im beautiful, and Im going to New York.”This conversation continued, always with the blondes same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blondes ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, “I just told her that this part of the plane wasnt going to New York.”
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED.Yes.
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, “You dumb blonde bimbo! Its blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim Id come out there and give you whats coming to you!”