The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. ‘Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,’ he said politely, ‘ but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!’ ‘That’s right.’ ‘Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake….?’ ‘Well, today is his birthday!’
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,”Ill buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesnt get her anything.She says, “Why didnt you get me a birthday present!?”He replies, “You didnt use what I got you last year!”
A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. Whats the matter? she asked. Its my birthday! he hollered. And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon theres to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . . and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. But thats lovely, said the old lady. Why are you crying? Because Im lost!
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?”She said, “Id love to be ten again.”On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.Her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?”One eye opened and she groaned, “Actually, honey, I meant dress size!”
A man who forgets his wifes birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.
A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, “Hello.” “Are you the game warden?” she asked. “Yes.” “Finally Ahve got the right person!” she said. “Could yawl gimme some help with my sons birthday party?”