A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,”Ill buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and thistime he doesnt get her anything.She says, “Why didnt you get me a birthday present!?”He replies, “You didnt use what I got you last year!”
How can you tell if an elephant’s been to your birthday party? Look for his footprints in the ice cream.
What do you give a nine hundred pound gorilla for his birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it!
Cat: “What did you get him for his birthday?” Dog: “Pant . . . pant!” Cat: “Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!”
“Did you go shopping for my birthday present?” “Yeah, and I found the perfect thing.” “What thing is that?” “Nothing!”
Man l: “I got my wife a VCP for her birthday” Man 2: “Don’t you mean a VCR?” Man 1: “No, a VCP . . . Very Cheap Present!”
Good news! I’ve been given a goldfish for my birthday . . .the bad news is that I don’t get the bowl until my next birthday!
I’d like to say something nice about you as it’s your birthday. Why don’t you? Because I can’t think of a single thing to say!
“Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.”
Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.
Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn’t figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type ‘Happy Birthday’
Fred Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It’s a great present but I just can’t find the words to thank you enough.
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you? Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.
Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum’s too frightened he’ll break it!
First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No, I’m having a witch do. First boy: What’s a witch do? Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.