A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?”"Well honey…” said the slightly prudish mother, “the stork brought you to us.”"Oh,” said the boy, “and how did you and daddy get born?”"Oh, the stork brought us too.”"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” the boy persisted.”Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: “This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasnt been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”"No,” says his Advisor, “in her biology class.”
A couple of biologists had twins.One they called John and the other control.
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?”"Well honey…” said the slightly prudish mother, “the stork brought you to us.”"Oh,” said the boy, “and how did you and daddy get born?”"Oh, the stork brought us too.”"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” the boy persisted.”Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: “This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasnt been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”"No,” says his Advisor, “in her biology class.”
A couple of biologists had twins.One they called John and the other control.
A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree. Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While trying, he falls to the ground. They attempt this about five times and each time the top botanist falls. The logger is laughing but feels sorry for the pair, gets out of his truck, takes out an electric saw and cuts down the tree. The botanists are looking at him like he is crazy. He then takes a tape measure and measures the tree. “OK guys, the tree is 14 6.” He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two botanists are stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other ,”How do you like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree and that stupid jerk measures the width.”
A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate.On their last day on the island they happen into a huge pile of harvested grass that has been set out to dry. Quickly they decide to set it on fire to pay the thugs back for shooting at them. The fire takes off and sends plumes of smoke into the sky. As they are running for their boat, they notice that the soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of control and crashing into the trees.The next day they read the headlines in the local paper:Pot Farm Burns – No Tern Left Unstoned.
A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them a visit.”Is anything funny going on here”? he asked.”What do you mean by that?” the pair asked back.”I mean, youre not getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you know, maybe doing something youre not supposed to do?”"Absolutely not!” the Jim replied. ” We are strictly co-workers”"Oh yes,” the Sarah replied, ” We hike all day, record our data, return back, and fall asleep exhausted.”Thats right!” Jim replied, “and me in my tent, and she in hers!”The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th e field with the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp, retrieved his Jeep and left the area.The following day, the biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit. They searched high and low, but could not find it. It had simply disappeared from their camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the crew leader had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That evening, they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather he may have inadvertently taken the unit.”As a matter of fact, I did take it the day I came up to see if you two were sleeping together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it with me from the field, I placed it in Sarahs sleeping bag where she would be sure to find it!”
A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears. They had only two applicants – a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen. He first asked the young women to show him what she could do. She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs. The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man, “Can you do that?” “Youre darn right I can,” said the old man, “just get that bear out of there first !”
A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. Hes camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. “Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and weve seen you camped here. We didnt know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?”" Sir, Im not a vet, Im a wildlife biologist,” the young biologist told the worried man.”Can you please just have a look at him, Ill pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If hes still alive, maybe I can rush him into town.”"Ok, put him here on the table.” The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing.”Im sorry sir, but Im afraid poor Willie is dead.” “No, I cant believe that….. It cant be true…are you sure?”"Yes, Im quite sure.”"I just cant believe that….With all this equipment, isnt there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure.”The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows.”Well, the cat say hes dead. Does that assure you?”"No, I need more than that…Do you have anything else?”The biologist calls over his big black dog. The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist.”Well, now the dog says hes dead. Thats all I can do for you sir.”"OK, well I guess its true. Ill take him back and bury him…How much do I owe you?”"Itll be $650 bucks.” The biologist tells the old man.”What??”, replied the old man, “How can you charge that much??!!”"Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but youre the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!”
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professors desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?” With that the student threw his test on the professors desk an d walked out the door.The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didnt know every students name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Mister, whats your name?”The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, “You guess, buddy! You guess!”
A young biologist was sitting on a stump at the edge of their camp. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. One of the other biologists saw his sad looks and asked, “Whats the matter?”The young biologist said, “They put me in the same tent with old Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes a bath once a month, and talks non-stop about back when he studied passenger pigeons. Hes so damn old, I think he was a lackey for Charles Darwin. He generally just makes my life Hell. We had a big fight about it and they split us up for a month”The older biologist said, “That should make you happy.” The young biologist sadly shook his head and said, “Not when the month is up today!”
A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened.”You know what a crew boss is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches everyone else work.” “Whats that got to do with it?” they asked. “Well, he just got jealous of me,” the young biologist explained. “Everyone thought I was the crew boss.”
An 8th grade boy was doing some research for his career report at school. He asks his dad, “Father, how many wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government?”"The honest father replies, “Oh, I would say at least half of em.”