Funny Jokes | Short Funny Jokes | Really Funny Joke » Funny Aviation Jokes

A Blonde Gets On An Airplane

admin — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 06:55:38 +0000

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesnt have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “Im blonde, Im smart, I have a good job, and Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “Im blonde, Im smart, I have a good job and Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesnt even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head st ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasnt going to Jamaica.”

A Blonde Gets An Opportunity

admin — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 06:44:33 +0000

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..” She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “Be silent!” There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”

A Few Days After Christmas

admin — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:54:04 +0000

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her son said, “All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the plane, cause were going to take-off now.”The mother went in and told her son, “We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language.” Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his plane. Soon the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are deplaning, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for flying with us today and hope your tr ip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again soon.”She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”

A Little Guy Gets On a Plane

admin — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:57:38 +0000

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but hes afraid to wakethe big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he cantclimb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave ofnausea passes through the little guy. He cant hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guys chest.About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees thevomit all over him.”So,” says the little guy, “are you feeling better now?”

Man is Flying From Los Angeles To New York

admin — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 05:23:48 +0000

A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, “Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?”The flight attendant answered, “We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient.”Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, “Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?”The flight attendant replied, “The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much t ime washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to our penises.”The customer looked confused. “How does that help?” he asked.”Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the string. Since I never touched myself I dont need to wash my hands.”The customer nodded and asked, “But how do you get it back in your pants?”The flight attendant smiled, “I dont know about the other guys, but I use the spoon.”

A Man Telephoned An Airline Office

admin — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 06:22:16 +0000

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”The clerk said, “Just a minute…”"Thank you,” the man said and hung up.

A Man Named Mr. Smith Was Flying

admin — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:36:07 +0000

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, were in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?” Keith replied, “No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs”. Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

A Man Jumps Out Of An Airplane

admin — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:24:33 +0000

A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As hes falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken. He doesnt know anything about parachutes, but as the earth rapidly approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the parachute and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is ripping past his face, hes dropping like a rock, and at 5000 feet, another man goes shooting up past him. In desperation, the man with the chute looks up and yells, “Hey do you know anything about parachutes?!”The guy flying up looks down and yells, “No, do you know anything about gas stoves?!”

A Man Walks Up To The Counter At The Airport

admin — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 05:04:29 +0000

A man walks up to the counter at the airport. “Can I help you?” asks the agent.”I want a round trip ticket,” says the man.”Where to?” asks the agent.”Right back to here.”

A Military Cargo Plane Flying

admin — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 03:59:01 +0000

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. “More!” he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road whos crying. They ask him why hes crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head!”They drive more and meet another boy whos crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head!”They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk whos laughing hysterically. They ask h im, “Kid, whats so funny?” The boy replies, “I sneezed and a house blew up!”