What’s An Extroverted Accountant
What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What’s a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.
How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No
What’s the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don’t 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will.
What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
The accountant’s prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? “What kind of answer did you have in mind?” Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.
Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.” The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?” The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient. “No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him. “How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don’t you?” The young partner is offended. “Of course I know what Ethics is. It’s a county in southern England.”
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”