A Businessman Hires
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.”Was he tall or was he short?”The businessman replies, “Both!”
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.”Was he tall or was he short?”The businessman replies, “Both!”
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, “Didnt your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”The businessman replies, “Thats the accountant were looking for.”
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, “Didnt your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”The businessman replies, “Thats the accountant were looking for.”
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.”Was he tall or was he short?”The businessman replies, “Both!”
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.Her friend asks, “Didnt your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”The business owner replies, “Thats the accountant Ive been searching for.”
A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?”The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.”The second was a social worker. She said, “I dont know the answer but Im glad we had time to discuss this important question.”The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, “How much is two and two?”The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, “How much do you want it to be?”He got the job.
What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What’s a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.
How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No
What’s the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don’t 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capital does not 4. Return on Investments never will.
What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
The accountant’s prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10.53:16 am, Eastern Daylight Saving Time