Funny Jokes | Short Funny Jokes | Really Funny Joke

A little boy was selling fish at the corner. “Damn fish here! Get your Damn fish here!” When a bishop walks by. “My son you don’t have to use such profoned launguage.” he says “No Sir. i got them from a Dam.” so the bishop byes some and went home.
He hand s his wife the fish and says”Honey will you cook my Damn Fish?” the wife replies “No i got them from a boy who got them from a Dam.”

so the wife cooks them. later on at dinner time the father the mother and there son were all eating when the dad says to the son “Please pass the Damn Fish.” the boy says “Right on dad! will you please pass the Fucking potatos?”

Catch and Release – A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit.

Hook – (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman’s wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).

Line – Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.

Lure – An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.

Reel – A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

Rod – An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

School – A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.

Tackle – What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.

Tackle Box – A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.

Test – (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming “that darn line” for once again losing the fish.

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!”

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”

“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer.

“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.

The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!” “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.

“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”

Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”

A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

“Naw, ma fren, I ain’t got none of dem, no. Deez here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?”

Ya. Avery night I take deez here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim ’round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home.”

“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”

The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s de truth ma’ fren. I’ll show you. It really works.”

“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!”

The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” said the Cajun

“When are you going to call them back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH!”

“What fish?”

Folks in Louisiana may not be as smart as some, but they aren’t as dumb as most.

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat.
He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”

“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.”

“Wow! Does that really work?”

“You bet it does.”

“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.”

“Well, okay.”

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?”

“You’re the sixth,” he said.

Q: What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?

A: They don’t really have to catch anything to be happy.

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.

So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.

Sam’s approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.

Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”

Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.

“mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” is the reply.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” the successful fisherman repeats.

“I’m sorry, I still didn’t understand you.” The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly,

“You’ve got to keep your worms warm.”