An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wifewanted to buy something. “Well, my wife aint home, shes gone down to the creekto wash clothes, but lemma see what you got,” said the man. The peddler showedhim pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasnt interested. Thenthe man spotted a mirror and said, “Whats that?” Before the peddler could tellhim it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, “My God howd you get apicture of my Pappy?” The old man was so happy, he traded his wifes bestpitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale.The old man was worried that the wife would be mad at him for trading her bestpitcher, so he hid it in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out tothe barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the “picture” and eventually the wife gotsuspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she wentout to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said, “so this is the hussy hes been foolin around with!”
An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old womans distraught and yells, “WHATS THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVENT!” The old man smiles and says, “Parkinsons disease”
Are birth control pills deductible?Only if they dont work.
As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, “Have you justgotten out of prison?” “Yeah,” the guy replied. “How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?” “Partly.” She said. “But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, YOUR TURN.”
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just dont tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please dont say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your real father a big hug.”